Lame Girl

I'm feeling pretty lame now maybe cause i'mtoo bored cuz i have to go to work even though the office is practically empty as most of the staff are at penang for the company's annual dinner.

How i wished i didn't have to work today and tomorrow and also ... why didin't the office close? it's pratically empty...its even more quiet than a saturday at work.

It's been awhile since i played maple story ... i have been neglecting my little baby and she's itching to level up ... also my lameness brought into the mood of getting a piercing done ... which is exactly what i did and my piercing is 2 weeks old, i'll add photos of it ... when it doesn't look so gross anymore .. haha ..

And now back to acting busy ... lame ...

Don't wanna wake up

How i wish that sometimes i don't have to wake up. Wish that i can just stay in slumber and not have to face these things. But then again, sleeping gives me nightmares lots of times, then wouldn't consider as slumber now, does it? *sigh*

I feel so tired at times. So tired of things are for me. I'm not complaining or whinning. I just need a break. I'm so tired of having friends in love with me, not that i'm self praising or being proud at myself in saying this, it is flattering sometimes knowing that someone has the hots for you, but it can get pretty exhausting, making new friends and meeting new faces yet watching your back to see if they have any other intensions, i even have to becareful not to send the wrong messages, cuz i tend to get along better with dudes, so dangerous, and cuz yes i know, girls are complicated and there's not explanation why cuz i dunno why either, i want to just hang with my friends without a care. I hate breaking friendships, i hate losing friends to this 'love game', give me a break. Why am i mentioning all these? I really do need a break, really ... i feel like i'm drowning, suffocating literally ... all i want now are friends whom i can trust my loyalty to as just friends, me fellow pals out there who already know what kind of mess i'm in, thank you all so much for just being there.

-+ Jo +-

'The Blame'

The feeling where people say stuff that make you feel all guilty or worst, angry. The dreadful 'blame' game as i call it, getting the 'blame' thrown at you to shoulder every single time something doesn't go according to plan. My sister and i have a fare share of 'blames' thrown at us but my sister is fortunate enough not to have to face as much shit as i do altho she thinks she does. Getting blamed for every single problem or difficulty that occur in this home is a norm. to me now. Years of practise and patience and bottling up. But a girl can only handle so much.

Everyone in life will face the 'blame' game, it's what we do, as humans, 'blame' each other. But everyone has limits to. Do you know what kind of damage 'blame' is capable of inflicting? Not many know, but i can tell you some, cause i've been there. There comes a point where the person you 'blame' willstart to 'blame' themselves believing that it WAS their fault that things are messed up. I will not give in to that cuz, yes problems will only occur when it involves an individual. But shit happens, it's life, deal with it.

Stop 'blaming' me for every single thing or arguement that happens in my home. Though apparently i'm suppose to be the 'lady' of the house being the eldest girl. I have my limits too. Not every problem that occurs is my fault or anyone's fault but your own.

*Lost in thought* Jo.