Lame Girl

I'm feeling pretty lame now maybe cause i'mtoo bored cuz i have to go to work even though the office is practically empty as most of the staff are at penang for the company's annual dinner.

How i wished i didn't have to work today and tomorrow and also ... why didin't the office close? it's pratically empty...its even more quiet than a saturday at work.

It's been awhile since i played maple story ... i have been neglecting my little baby and she's itching to level up ... also my lameness brought into the mood of getting a piercing done ... which is exactly what i did and my piercing is 2 weeks old, i'll add photos of it ... when it doesn't look so gross anymore .. haha ..

And now back to acting busy ... lame ...

Don't wanna wake up

How i wish that sometimes i don't have to wake up. Wish that i can just stay in slumber and not have to face these things. But then again, sleeping gives me nightmares lots of times, then wouldn't consider as slumber now, does it? *sigh*

I feel so tired at times. So tired of things are for me. I'm not complaining or whinning. I just need a break. I'm so tired of having friends in love with me, not that i'm self praising or being proud at myself in saying this, it is flattering sometimes knowing that someone has the hots for you, but it can get pretty exhausting, making new friends and meeting new faces yet watching your back to see if they have any other intensions, i even have to becareful not to send the wrong messages, cuz i tend to get along better with dudes, so dangerous, and cuz yes i know, girls are complicated and there's not explanation why cuz i dunno why either, i want to just hang with my friends without a care. I hate breaking friendships, i hate losing friends to this 'love game', give me a break. Why am i mentioning all these? I really do need a break, really ... i feel like i'm drowning, suffocating literally ... all i want now are friends whom i can trust my loyalty to as just friends, me fellow pals out there who already know what kind of mess i'm in, thank you all so much for just being there.

-+ Jo +-

'The Blame'

The feeling where people say stuff that make you feel all guilty or worst, angry. The dreadful 'blame' game as i call it, getting the 'blame' thrown at you to shoulder every single time something doesn't go according to plan. My sister and i have a fare share of 'blames' thrown at us but my sister is fortunate enough not to have to face as much shit as i do altho she thinks she does. Getting blamed for every single problem or difficulty that occur in this home is a norm. to me now. Years of practise and patience and bottling up. But a girl can only handle so much.

Everyone in life will face the 'blame' game, it's what we do, as humans, 'blame' each other. But everyone has limits to. Do you know what kind of damage 'blame' is capable of inflicting? Not many know, but i can tell you some, cause i've been there. There comes a point where the person you 'blame' willstart to 'blame' themselves believing that it WAS their fault that things are messed up. I will not give in to that cuz, yes problems will only occur when it involves an individual. But shit happens, it's life, deal with it.

Stop 'blaming' me for every single thing or arguement that happens in my home. Though apparently i'm suppose to be the 'lady' of the house being the eldest girl. I have my limits too. Not every problem that occurs is my fault or anyone's fault but your own.

*Lost in thought* Jo.

Cheerful Girl

Someone told me that they'd like to see me this cheerful more often last night. I can be cheerful, and when i am ... i can be insanely hyper and might scare you or maybe just ... i dunno?no effect? hahahaha...

Some people bug me asking ... 'Jo why are you so angry?' 'why are you so moody' 'why don't you smile more often?you know you look really nice when you smile' 'why la you always frowning' ... Well i'll smile when i feel like smiling, i'll be cheeerful WHEN i'm feeling happy yappy yuppy~

Which brings us to the question, 'Why is Jo always angry?' ...well... that's a long story cuz i kinda don't remember exactly WHY i am always angry. Cuz...i just am? hehe ... i'm a girl with many moods...you can say that i'm temperamental ... cuz i can sometimes be really friendly and cheerful, sometimes i can be just plain nasty and rude. i wouldn't say beware or give you a warning sign on how'd i'd be or what my mood is for the day...i just as i am...i can sometimes be moody in the morning and hyper in the night, or the other way around. who knows...guess the only way you can find out is by chatting with me? ....maybe..hahah

So for now...Jo is still cheerful and hyper and arrived bloody early to work, so had spare time to chill online, one of my favorite slacker habits. That's allfrom Jo for now~ enjoy the sunshine moment while it lasts cuz i want back my gloomy sky *evil grin*.

Cheers~

Brain is Meltin'

Another week is halfway gone ... my brain is meltin more and more each day.

Haze!!Cheap perfume!!You are to blame!! ... Haze is practically out of our control unless it rains really heavy all over the world maybe? Or at least at Indonesia. Cheap perfume, someone in my office bought a bunch, I know it's cheap cuz i heard the price mentioned, it was being used to the max that i couldn't BREATH!!! Triggered my sinus and result in having miserable headaches and irritated nose for a few days now ...

I'm a big girl now? Am i not? Maybe ... maybe just almost there ... I've never really gone out there (the small world) yet, hang out with friends after dark (well i hav...but at their homes for home parties...so that doesn't really count..i think), go out on free-will without having to go thru the whole 'police check' with parents to get permission. I need some hobbies ... besides surfing the net and playing maple which i oh so love to do..hahaha....

Got to find more stuff to do...I don't want my brain to melt out of my nose and eyes ... without my brain ... I'd be better off a cute cuddly plushie? eewww....human plushie?!?! How did that thought even get into my head!!!!!

O well, BabyJo signin' of for now ~ :Peace:

~Hypee Hyper~

Good morning hazy malaysia ... *cough cough*

WheeEEeeeeEEeee i slept last night...oh joy~ hahahaa....i fell asleep last night, had such a good nap and managed to wake up without my alarm cuz i think i turned it off during my sleep O.o

Now i'm hyoer hyper hyperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~~~~~~~

Another new day, another new start ... what more frustrations the day has installed for me? guess i have to wait till i reach home after work to find out =p

My lovely friends~ miss you all ... especially you fellas that i met at Tech.Ed 2006 ...

*Starts humming 'welcome to the black parade', doing paperwork while sipping coffee ... MMmmm ...*

Jo singning off 

Zombie

In your head ... in your heeaaAAdd ... zombieeee ... zombieee ... zombiee eh biee eh ... hahahhahaha (me being lame) but that was sorta how i was behaving today at work. I didn't really sleep much last night cause there was a power cut and there's no air con and it was too quiet...couldn't sleep but luckily the power came back shortly ... but was i able to fall asleep? nooo...lay awake for who knows how long, finally fell asleep but it was almost time to wake up. Felt fine when i woke up at 6am, sharp! O.o .... but started to feel zombie-like at work...

One cup of coffee ... *tick tock tick tock* ... not working ... doing work in stone-mode ... lunch time!!! nescafe ice please =D *tick tock* ... worked for like 10 minutes only ... doing work in stone-mode again ...

p/s: was humming silly tunes as i work today cuz i was so blur, restless and sleepy. hope i can fall asleep tonight

Cheers~ A not so moody Jo.

Loneliness

Lonely ... Many people feel lonely ... doesn't matter who it may be ... they may have plenty of people around them or none ... we all still feel lonely sometimes.

There are many kinds of loneliness ... lonely because you have no friends ... lonely because you have no family ... lonely cause you have no partner ... lonely cause there's something missing deep down your core and you don't know it exists.

I feel lonely .. not because i have no family, neither it be that i have no friends. I have some friends, some very dear friends who are always there for me and i for them. Why do i feel lonely you may ask. I feel like i have lost a part of myself for almost half a year. I've lost a part of who i am and what i am.

I've lost something so dear to me ... i've lost the sense of loving someone ... i've become so fearful when it comes to loving a person as more than just a dear friend. I want to share my feelings, share my thoughts with someone special ... with someone i'll love ... with someone i will fall in love with one day. But how can this work when i keep letting this fear take over me. What would happen when the day that i meet my special someone comes by ... will i run away with fear ... or will i stand and face it with all i've got.

I miss having someone that cares about me, i miss holding hands, i miss cuddles, i miss kisses, i miss everything ... i'm not complaining ... i'm not ranting ... i'm not asking for attention ... i don't want pity ... i just feel lonely ... i'll get over it ... one day.

+BitterSweet Memories+

Memories ... love them hate them ...

My memories ... why do they scar me so? Aren't they suppose to cheer me up? ... why ... why do they burn?

People grow from memories ... so i've heard... but have i grown at all? Have i learned at all?

Memories ... i wish i could turn them off whenever i want to ... What happened Jo ... What happened to you? Why can't you be happy ... why can't you stay happy ... why have you given up on happiness?

BitterSweet Memories ... embrace them ...

Have you ever had dreams of the past or future ... dreams of happy moments or sad moments ...

... I always have dreams about the past where i'm either really happy in it or really sad ... I've had dreams where i wished it'd never end ... I've had dreams where i desperately want to end ...

I hate these dreams ... i dread them ... why have happy dreams where you wake up and realise it was all images created by your subconcious mind ... having dreams that tear your apart is no doubt no different than being torn in reality ...

I was afraid to fall asleep at one point for weeks all because i didn't want to dream ... the most peaceful slumber i've had so long ago was without these dreams ... these dreams of memories that were meant to be forgotten ... dreams of people ... dreams of moments ... all that were meant to be put aside so that i can move on ... i hate these dreams ... i long to sleep ...

... sleep tight with sweet dreams ... is that too much to ask for?

I'm tainted ... i'm fragile ...

I stumble i fall ... i tear i break ...

Hear my silent scream ... hear my tearless cry ...

Can't you understand? Can't you see? ... that i am only human ... i cry ...

...Terrified...

I am terrified ...

Terrified of the world ...

... of the people

... of making friends then losing friends

... of falling in love then getting torn apart

... of being myself and being someone else

I am terrified of myself ... but i am more terrified of losing myself ... i am what i am ... just take it or leave it ...

Bubbles Sweet Sweet Bubbles

Upon reaching home from work today ... looking at the empty spot by the door where Bubbles cage used to lay ... a sense of emptiness over shadow the atmosphere.

Just have to get used to not having Bubbles greeting us each time we walk pass her cage. Looking at the freshly covered grave was just too much to handle ... not being able to see Bubbles with her white white fur and pink nose sniffing the air for snacks is just too sad... i couldn't help but shed a few tears cuz i won't be able to rub her lil head anymore ...

Pets come and go ... but once you get attached to them ... they are family ... you will miss them once they go ...

O well ... at least she and her brother together with her friend enjoyed their stay with us ... those greedy lil furballs ... there's never enough watermelon skins for them =)

Peace.

In Loving Memory

Sweet sweet Bubbles has moved on to be with her brother, her friend and her maker. I received an sms from my sis at work with the sad news. Yesterday Bubbles kept giving us the sad look, her eyes are wet and teary, she seemed to want to play with us but she cannot move her thin lil body. All she could do was just look at us, giving the feeling as though she doesn't want to go home yet. It was depressing. Man... i'm tearing a lil as i type this ...

I'm not looking forward to going home later ... i cannot bear to see my mum's sad face ... or see an empty, quiet cage ... not hearing Bubble's greeting for "Snack please?" ... Sigh ... i need some air ...

I miss lil Bubbles ... she so adorable ... so cheeky ... so greedy ... so spoilt ... sigh ... Good Bye sweet Bubbles ... We miss you.

In Loving Memory of :

Chestnut, Patches and Bubbles.

Bubbles

Bubbles ... the final and strongest of my guinea pigs.

She's going home soon.

She's old ... she's almost 8 years old.

Go in peace now lil Bubbles ... we won't forget you ...

Your greedy lil face, the way you poke your nose up when we walk pass.

The way you call for attention ... or a snack or two ...

Your thick white fur and pink nose ...

We will never forget how you would make that cute face just so we would play with you and spoil you with snacks, pets, cuddles and love...

Bubbles don't worry ... just go now and be happy ... Patches and Chestnut are waiting for you ... we'll be fine ... they miss you more. We love you always.

My Friends

My friends ... nearly more than 95% of friends are have are of the male gender, i cannot explain why but i just tend to get along with guys better compared to my fellow female species. Having lots of guy friends and always hanging out with them either in groups or just the two of us. Is it so wrong? Is there some rule stated somewhere saying that a girl and a guy cannot hang out?

Just cause a girl and a guy like to hang out together for a drink, a show, a meal or just for the fun of it to catch up and have a good laugh... doesn't mean that they like each other more than friends. Correct me if i am wrong but i know i am not in some way. What has the world become? When two guys or girls are close friends people label them as homo or fag. And when a girl and a guy are good friends people say that they are dating or hooked up.

What the heck!!! And just cause i always hang out with guys doesn't mean i'm a flirt ... dudes!!!i don't even know how to flirt!!! This morning when i told my mum i was going out for a show with my friend, she asked if it's a guy. Then she started yelling at me saying stuff like :"Why you always go out with guys? Alone somemore? Why do you date so many boys? No wonder boys dare not approach you cuz you are always with diff guys!" What the bloody #@^&!!!! The last date i've ever been to in my whole life was with my ex before he left me!!! Are you calling your daughter a slut!! For Christ's sake .... open your eyes a lil.

I have to admit i feel more comfortable making friends with the male gender, but not ALL male gender cuz some tend to be real arses ( no offense ) ... so? what's wrong with that? How do i tell the genuine dudes apart from those i-just-wanna-befriend-you-cuz-i-think-you're-cute dudes? It's just natural instinct...you just know. These pals i have are my brothers, my dudes, my buddies!! What more can i say? Nothing. I just want to be able to have friends without having my mum always on my case and cursing me. Let me be me ... for once.

Love to all my buddies ... yes ... i love my pals ... you monkeys know who you are ... here's a side of me that i've never shown up till ... now... enjoy it while it lasts ... *evil grin*

What day is it?

Friday? It's already friday? Alright!!! I can go back to my 'sleeping' habits tonight!! Sweet~~ I am so not used going to bed early ... i end up waking feeling more blur than fresh -_- ... I miss my online and chatting and gaming days .. although obviously i still come online only i'm too blur to chat. O well it's time to go to work dudes and dudettes .. Jo signing off~

Bizarre Girl

Girls by nature love shopping ... right? ....RIGHT?

Hahaha.... i for one ...get irritated when shopping ... especially for shoes!!! argh!!! i don't like shopping for shoes cuz i have big feet! yes... i have big feet... and no i do not like girly shoes ... why can't i go to work bare footed or maybe in my adidas =p ..

Went to Lot10 after work today to meet my mum and go for Isetan's pre-sale ... and man did i get annoyed trying to find work shoes... didn't get any in the end but bought some work clothes and i'm am broke!!!! My wouldn't give up trying to get me to try on shoes and choose a bag for me ... i kept perstering her to give up cuz number 1, i'm hungry and number 2, my knee is strating to hurt again ..cuz through out the wahole day today i couldn't walk normally...i even forgot i had a sprained knee.. hahaha... Up till today ... i still can't get myself to enjoy shopping ... i just stop when i see something i like ...get what i need then i'm off. I don't browse every outfit >_< ...

O well ... bizzare girl signing out for now ... Peace.

Lazy Girl

Yesterday i did not turn up for work ... heheh ... i woke up at 6am as usual to get ready and realised i couldn't walk without feeling a really sharp yet numbing pain in my knee T_T .. couldn't even make it to my door without stopping to wait for the pain to wear off. So .. mc!! haha..skip work and went to 'tit da' sensei for 2nd session.

He asked what happened and why i skipped work, told him and he said he forgot to tell me that i'd be in much more pain after he 'un-knot' the sprain. It's like both injured nerve/vein that he 'un-knot' (dunno call wad la in english) are rubbing and pressing against each other when i move causing more pain than the day before. No wonder la....so as you all can guess it..the 2nd session hurt like mad till i almost teared!!

The skin around my knee was already sensitive from the 1st session's 'flaming knee' plus my sprain was really sensitive too. The only difference during the 2nd session is he massage the wounded nerve mercilessly to get it back into place. Double the pain!! And i was told not to walk too much (i told you so mum!! mum kept nagging me to move around and work the knee ... no way!!)

But i can walk now without too much pain!!! No pain no gain!! Wheee...sitting around with the leg up all day is tiring -_- lolx ...

That's all for now. HuGz.

Chinese Doc/Sinsei

My knee still hurts pretty bad. Mum took me to the traditional doc, the one that does those massage stuff. Dunno how to say it all in english. I think they are call sinsei? ... He did like those kung fu kinda twists on my leg, like those you see on kung fu movies, to check how badly i twisted my knee. After that took a small table with some botols and covered my knee with a few layers of cloth. While he was pouring the meds on my knee wetting the cloth i noticed something else on the table, a torch!!! ....omg please don't tell me he's gonna light that torch!!!

Well obviously he did ... it was interesting to watch ... flames on my knee ... hahahahahah ... no pain no gain ... still hurts like mad but much better cuz i can walk better ... o well ... i know i'm boring you guys so i'll stop here and maybe turn in early ...

Rock on~!!!

Freak Accident

Ever noticed freak accidents are happening more frequently? Even on the papers...ppl dying and stuff...man...

Sorta fell a victim for this freak accident today, was suppose to shop for work clothes today but trip got cut short when i sprained my knee pretty bad ... inthe changing room!!!! I haven't even tried the clothes on ... i just took off my shoes. Then when my right foot touch the ground suddenly my knee bended in an awkward position and i felt a really sharp pain n the bone slided!! I was swearing in the room and sitting on the floor and tried to put my leg straight and felt the bone slide back.

I was in so much pain then i cried. Ended up cancelling the shopping trip, put back those nice skirts i took and drag my leg back to dad's car. Even the vibration of the car was killing!! So embarassing limping and eyes all red walking in klcc ... dang ... how am i gonna go to work tomorrow?!?!?!

Am sitting at hom enow infront of the comp(obviously) ... still in pain but now can tahan it so far. Hope it gets better tonight. I know you might be laughing your heads off wondering how does someone hurt themself so bad inside a fitting room!? ... so stupid... so embarassing...man....

Sunday Morning

I'm a bad bad girl ... didn't go to church today cuz dad couldn't wake up and my mum wouldn't give me a lift and it's raining didn't want to go out and take a cab ... but will be heading out soon for some shopping ... work necessities ... clothes n stuff ...

note: i had sooo much fun last night ... never really had fun during parties ... last night was a first ... guess i have to learn to be less hostile and reserve ... =p people grow people change ... time for a change Jo but no worries, i will still be da same only mayb less hostile.

Gonna head out soon. Peace~

BBQ

Morning people ... i woke up too early as usual ...

Naz..talking about my job and the part being bored after lunch...my 2nd day of work was even more hilarious...i sat there doing nothing like a moron from 8.30am till lunch time cuz the server was down...so everyone was like busy working except me =p but was rotting in boredom. Dude, great job on the sax. but i regreted not taking some snapshots of you in action...too distracted and forgot all about taking pics.

Last night my sis had her bday party, cook-in(prepared in kitchen) + cook-out(bbq la). My mum instructed me to do all the bbq-ing and stuff but hehehe .... thankz so much guys!!! Stuart, Desmond, Andrew, Connie for helping me bbq the food. Stuart the bbq-king...i know who to call the next time i have a barbie again >,

Cheers~

First Day

First day of my first office job ... started out a blur ... but it was ok ...

Was freezing to death! It was EVEN colder than while i was working at Microsoft Tech.Ed '06!! 3 air cons aiming at my desk!!!! NO MERCY!!!

My 1st task ... data entry ... started out a blur but got the hang of it and then it go boring cuz after lunch i was sitting at my desk doing absolutely nothing! My comp had no internet connection so it was me facing a pile of insurance policies for almost 3 hours ... then the work starts coming in again ... over time on my first day ... haha ...

O well ... everyone has to work in an office environment at least a few times in their life ... so boring as it may be ... hahaha ... it's part of life ... i'll stop here for now before i bore the readers (if i have any =p).

Cheers

Black

Black ...

The color or death, color of disease, color of hate, color of class, color of sorrow, color of lost... call it whatever you want. Black is still my favorite color =p

Some people say black makes you looks slimmer, some say it makes you look evil. Black is everywhere. Black is the color of a starless night. Black is sexy. hahaha. Just because someone dresses black from head to toe means they are mourning. Who doesn't love black. Black is natural...

... and i'm talking all silly ...

Today

Mondays ... love them hate them ... well more like hate them ...

Mondays are usually crappy days ... beginning of the week ... 1st day of school ... 1st day of work ...

Typical slacking day for me as usual. Since when don't i slack. Well only when i'm working which is hardly ... ain't got a job yet ... but i interviewed for one and am waiting for phone call on when i'm suppose to start.

Having a crappy nose day ... nose feeling irritated and hurts ... constant sneezing and stuff but i've had worst ... o and btw Stuart, cheer up tho it ain't your day today ... there's always tomorrow to look forward to? right?

Milkshakes...don't you just love them!

Chocolate milkshake ... Banana milkshake... who wouldn't love having a tall fresh cold glass of milkshake just for the fun of it? I miss milkshakes ... =p

Now that's what i call enjoying a milkshake ... this is the life!

Lukas Rossi

Finally Supernova is complete~!!!!Lukas Rossi ... Booyah!!!!

Personally...my personal opinion la...Lukas deserves the win..haha..i mean..come on..Supernova formed by those dudes....it's a unique blend + unique lead vocal~~ ain't that sweet enough?

I didn't quite like his attitute during the 1st couple weeks of the season...but he grew on me..sometimes you just can't judge people by 1st impressions only. I was rooting for Phil Ritchie at first but he got sent home early...then Toby Rand is so entertaining..his performances are so energetic but in the end he wasn't right for Supernova so they sent him home...but he made it to final 3!!! Crikey!!!Gonna miss all the rockstar marathons till next summer....

After the long wait for Supernova to find their front-man...now another long wait for their album to be out in stores!!!

Hello people~

Hey guys...all those who visit my blog which is more like a ghost town....i am back~~ i think...its been ages since i checked in...cuz i dun really have much to write...i prefer to be quiet...ahahahaha....well i'm back~~