Brain is Meltin'

Another week is halfway gone ... my brain is meltin more and more each day.

Haze!!Cheap perfume!!You are to blame!! ... Haze is practically out of our control unless it rains really heavy all over the world maybe? Or at least at Indonesia. Cheap perfume, someone in my office bought a bunch, I know it's cheap cuz i heard the price mentioned, it was being used to the max that i couldn't BREATH!!! Triggered my sinus and result in having miserable headaches and irritated nose for a few days now ...

I'm a big girl now? Am i not? Maybe ... maybe just almost there ... I've never really gone out there (the small world) yet, hang out with friends after dark (well i hav...but at their homes for home parties...so that doesn't really count..i think), go out on free-will without having to go thru the whole 'police check' with parents to get permission. I need some hobbies ... besides surfing the net and playing maple which i oh so love to do..hahaha....

Got to find more stuff to do...I don't want my brain to melt out of my nose and eyes ... without my brain ... I'd be better off a cute cuddly plushie? eewww....human plushie?!?! How did that thought even get into my head!!!!!

O well, BabyJo signin' of for now ~ :Peace:

~Hypee Hyper~

Good morning hazy malaysia ... *cough cough*

WheeEEeeeeEEeee i slept last night...oh joy~ hahahaa....i fell asleep last night, had such a good nap and managed to wake up without my alarm cuz i think i turned it off during my sleep O.o

Now i'm hyoer hyper hyperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~~~~~~~

Another new day, another new start ... what more frustrations the day has installed for me? guess i have to wait till i reach home after work to find out =p

My lovely friends~ miss you all ... especially you fellas that i met at Tech.Ed 2006 ...

*Starts humming 'welcome to the black parade', doing paperwork while sipping coffee ... MMmmm ...*

Jo singning off 

Zombie

In your head ... in your heeaaAAdd ... zombieeee ... zombieee ... zombiee eh biee eh ... hahahhahaha (me being lame) but that was sorta how i was behaving today at work. I didn't really sleep much last night cause there was a power cut and there's no air con and it was too quiet...couldn't sleep but luckily the power came back shortly ... but was i able to fall asleep? nooo...lay awake for who knows how long, finally fell asleep but it was almost time to wake up. Felt fine when i woke up at 6am, sharp! O.o .... but started to feel zombie-like at work...

One cup of coffee ... *tick tock tick tock* ... not working ... doing work in stone-mode ... lunch time!!! nescafe ice please =D *tick tock* ... worked for like 10 minutes only ... doing work in stone-mode again ...

p/s: was humming silly tunes as i work today cuz i was so blur, restless and sleepy. hope i can fall asleep tonight

Cheers~ A not so moody Jo.

Loneliness

Lonely ... Many people feel lonely ... doesn't matter who it may be ... they may have plenty of people around them or none ... we all still feel lonely sometimes.

There are many kinds of loneliness ... lonely because you have no friends ... lonely because you have no family ... lonely cause you have no partner ... lonely cause there's something missing deep down your core and you don't know it exists.

I feel lonely .. not because i have no family, neither it be that i have no friends. I have some friends, some very dear friends who are always there for me and i for them. Why do i feel lonely you may ask. I feel like i have lost a part of myself for almost half a year. I've lost a part of who i am and what i am.

I've lost something so dear to me ... i've lost the sense of loving someone ... i've become so fearful when it comes to loving a person as more than just a dear friend. I want to share my feelings, share my thoughts with someone special ... with someone i'll love ... with someone i will fall in love with one day. But how can this work when i keep letting this fear take over me. What would happen when the day that i meet my special someone comes by ... will i run away with fear ... or will i stand and face it with all i've got.

I miss having someone that cares about me, i miss holding hands, i miss cuddles, i miss kisses, i miss everything ... i'm not complaining ... i'm not ranting ... i'm not asking for attention ... i don't want pity ... i just feel lonely ... i'll get over it ... one day.

+BitterSweet Memories+

Memories ... love them hate them ...

My memories ... why do they scar me so? Aren't they suppose to cheer me up? ... why ... why do they burn?

People grow from memories ... so i've heard... but have i grown at all? Have i learned at all?

Memories ... i wish i could turn them off whenever i want to ... What happened Jo ... What happened to you? Why can't you be happy ... why can't you stay happy ... why have you given up on happiness?

BitterSweet Memories ... embrace them ...

Have you ever had dreams of the past or future ... dreams of happy moments or sad moments ...

... I always have dreams about the past where i'm either really happy in it or really sad ... I've had dreams where i wished it'd never end ... I've had dreams where i desperately want to end ...

I hate these dreams ... i dread them ... why have happy dreams where you wake up and realise it was all images created by your subconcious mind ... having dreams that tear your apart is no doubt no different than being torn in reality ...

I was afraid to fall asleep at one point for weeks all because i didn't want to dream ... the most peaceful slumber i've had so long ago was without these dreams ... these dreams of memories that were meant to be forgotten ... dreams of people ... dreams of moments ... all that were meant to be put aside so that i can move on ... i hate these dreams ... i long to sleep ...

... sleep tight with sweet dreams ... is that too much to ask for?

I'm tainted ... i'm fragile ...

I stumble i fall ... i tear i break ...

Hear my silent scream ... hear my tearless cry ...

Can't you understand? Can't you see? ... that i am only human ... i cry ...